Falling in LovePatty and I (Lorenzo) had our first date on New Year’s Eve 2009. Like most new relationships the excitement, the juiciness, the exploration, the getting to know another was absolutely delightful. Fabulous. Off the charts.
The difference between this and our previous relationships was that we had finally learned that the magic of “falling in love” is not a gift that keeps on giving.
If falling in love can be so easy, why is staying in love so hard?
You may have noticed in your own experiences that the magic, the glow, tends to fade after a while, and it usually looks like “they” have changed. He seems less attentive than he was originally, or she may not be as interested in intimacy as she was in the early days, or any number of other absolutely fantastic wonderful things that they “were”, they no longer “are”. So we’re left with the questions, What happened?, why did they change? Why does this always happen to me?
There’s a saying that goes, “The two most dangerous things that came out of the 12th century were gunpowder and romantic love”.
Gunpowder, yes, easy to understand that one, but what about romantic love? Isn’t that supposed to be one of the best parts of being alive? Well, it may be a really exciting adventure, but have you noticed the success rate for those who venture there?
Romantic love comes from the days of knights and fair damsels. A knight pledged his love and his conquests to the maiden and she to him. Their love was pure, it was ideal, it was inspiring. But it was never consummated. This was a “courtly” love. It was never intended to be sexual. It was a journey into the divine connection between man and woman, the masculine and the feminine.
Through the ages this quest to explore the divine connection added the element of sexual connection, and in that combination the seeds of its own destruction were sown.
Are we insinuating that falling in love doesn’t last? Actually, yes, we are. But what we mean is that if we think that the magic that shows up when we fall in love is intended to last, that that’s what “real” love is, then we are probably doomed from the start.
Romantic love is so deeply ingrained in our culture. Romeo and Juliet, Sleeping Beauty, zillions of movies, books and magazine articles go on and on about the wonders of it all. However, they tend to stop at “...and they lived happily ever after.” But we all know that they don’t necessarily live happily ever after. Things change. People change. Or perhaps they don’t change, but they go back to being who they were before they fell in love.
Romantic love offers us a Magic Potion and when we drink it not only do we change, but our perceptions of the world and our new love change as well. He’s so attentive and loving, she gets more beautiful every day and she is soooo exciting!!
This is the glory and wonder of the Magic Potion that we’ve all enjoyed at one time or another. Is it wrong to enjoy it? Absolutely not. It’s just that the part that is never told is the part where the Magic Potion wears off. It was never intended to last forever. Going back to the 12th century, it was never intended to be mixed with the magic of sexual intimacy.
The Magic Potion and Romantic Love go hand in hand. It’s all one package. Unless . . . . . . . unless you are aware of the Magic Potion before you fall under its delightful spell. IF you know what it does then you can manage it to work for you instead of against you.
From the beginning I kept reminding Patty and myself that “God gives you the first six months, and then you have to create it yourself.”
A very interesting part for me was that even believing that the Magic Potion (and this delightful potion was VERY magic for us) would someday begin to wear off, right at about the six month point little voices in my head began to speak up. They began to talk about what wasn’t instead of what was. They were sounding critical when they had only been expressing her incredible virtues before.
You know the drill. You’ve watched the light fade and “reality” begin to rear its less attractive face once again. You’ve wondered at how they all tend to end up looking pretty much the same way after a while.
This is where we start blaming each other for changing, for taking away the magic and the spark, the divine nature or our oneness, etc., etc., etc. And the drawing apart sets in, each to their own sanctuary, each to their own sadness and loss.
But what if we knew that the “magic” was a visitor, a guide to help us find the very specialness in our partner. What if we knew beforehand that it was the Magic Potion that opens the gates to The Garden that would allow untold wonders, for us to be and to see and to savor our true selves. What if we knew that the Magic Potion had a limited life? That that was the very nature of the beast. That it’s not our fault that it fades away. What would that allow?
It would allow us to enter a different Garden. A Garden or our own creation. We could discover what works, what we need to bring to ourselves and our partners, what brings us up and what doesn’t. A Garden where we planted Gratitude, Appreciation, and Acknowledgment. Where we both were 100% responsible for this creation, that we knew and enjoyed the pleasures of being the generators, the creators of this Garden, this love. That we knew that like all gardens, our Garden necessitated ongoing tending and care. Tending and care that was an honor and a joy to provide. A Garden that we watched as it flourished, and when it looked like parts of it were beginning to falter, we found the courage to provide what was missing to bring it back to flourishing.
Is this possible? Definitely.
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